deep in the sea

Here I am with another sad story. Another weep crying to be wiped away. The past days have been filled with some joy, which felt amazing, but then the deep pain comes back again and makes me want to question what everything means. Why do I feel hurt? Why do they not feel hurt? Why to nice people, why to people afraid to defend themselves? Why is it always us? I wonder what thoughts are going on in their heads. I wonder if anyone actually listens.

Imagine waking up and not having a heavy stone like pain in your heart. A pain that takes over the day. A pain that takes over the way you walk, the way you laugh. A pain that takes over how you live. I wish it could all change. I wish I could be somewhere else. I wish I could wake up and walk down the hallway without skipping the step that makes a sound. If I step there it all falls apart. All the lies open up and my life falls apart. I wish my happiness didn't depend on skipping a step. I wish I could walk away and get lost.