Only You

Have you ever really wondered what you're doing? Have you ever really looked at yourself from the inside out? My whole life I have prided myself in being me and doing what truly makes me happy, but when college came around I found myself leaving behind all the bits and pieces that made me, me. I got my first working phone sophomore year of college, and everything went downhill. I started obsessing's over Instagram and constantly checking my phone as if my phone was feeding me life. I was becoming someone so insecure that I stopped building relationships with people. I was trying to find happiness in an empty app, that I forgot what I truly desired.

Junior year of college I unfollowed every celebrity and "influencer" on Instagram and I started a new life. I let go of the temptation to compare myself. I let go of the world I was not apart of. I realized that I relied so heavily on what other people were doing, I was so invested in the life of someone who wouldn't even say hi if I walked down the street. The moment you understand you are someone, not something, your life changes. I slowly started to open myself up to the idea of being me. I started to draw, I started to study the world map like I used to. I began watching anime and Korean dramas again. I picked up a book for the first time in so long. My life was changing so fast and I could feel every second of it.

Throughout quarantine I really thought to myself, why am I holding back? Why am I hiding behind myself? I am me and only me. I am the only person living my life. Why am I so afraid to be myself? I started to experiment with my outfits and truly dress the way I wanted. Through my outfits, I chose to express myself and find a joy I never knew I needed. I started following a few "influencers" on Instagram who truly inspire me to be better. I slowly became Carla. I don't want to pretend to be someone else to fit in or hold a conversation. Through this understanding, I branched into the next chapter of my life. I am turning 21 in December, and I now know exactly who I am.